“Ministering Grace Unto the Hearers”
UPDATED: November 2022
For many years on Facebook, there has been a trend to post “30 days of Thankfulness.” In November, many of my friends post daily lists of things they are thankful for. For five years I faithfully and gratefully posted about the things and people I appreciated. I truly felt thankful for each one of my November posts.
Late in October, of 2015, I chanced upon a posting from “Heaven Not Harvard” detailing an adventure she embarked upon, back in the fall of 2014. She titled it: “30 days without complaint.” When she posted her article, a number of people joined in. That year she started a movement to attempt to go the entire month of November without complaining, which intrigued me.
After reading the article by Jennifer DeFrates, the author of “Heaven not Harvard,” my heart was touched and I realized that I TRULY DID NOT have the kind of Thankful heart worth posting daily updates for all to see. I had a spirit of complaint.
The dishes – of which I have several sets – never seemed to get done.
The nicest days of fall – which I love- had passed without getting the outside of the house painted.
We had two precious little grandsons who live in Ohio – yet my husband hasn’t able to meet them, and I – the super blessed one – did get to see one of them for a few days right after he was born.
AND SO IT WENT!
Whoa! I guess – like it or not – I’m in.
I knew I had to stop thinking – speaking – so negatively. This kind of thought does not show a Thankful Heart!
After several days – it was now early November – I got brave and shared Jennifer’s article on my personal page and on the Facebook page for my blog. I was rather surprised when friends on my personal page read it and immediately started commenting.
THESE ARE A FEW OF THE COMMENTS THEY LEFT:
“What would we talk about then?”
“(My husband) and I did this one time for 21 days. It’s amazing how much we complain and don’t even realize it. We kept each other in check. He’s right “what would we talk about?” LOL Ok, then let’s all do it.”
“I’ll take the challenge with you. Lord, please help us!”
“Haha. Yes He will!”
“I’m in.”
“I’ll take the challenge”
“I’m in. Lord help me.”
“I’m gonna try.”
“I’m with (Name of Friend)! I’m in. Lord help me! Eph. 4:29.”
And from a mail carrier friend: “This will never fly at the post office.”
My reaction then was – Whoa! I guess – like it or not – I’m in.
So I spent a little time with the LORD, asking HIM to truly give me a grateful, non complaining, heart. Then I waited, and did my best to become aware of when I had a complaining spirit, and squelch it.
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“The key to not complaining was only going to be realized by keeping my mouth shut”
There were those dishes in the sink. My first thought was “I need to tell someone I’m not the only one here who knows how to do dishes!!” – But I kept my mouth shut and did the dishes.
“Why in the world does the trash can get so full that trash falls out of it, and I seem to be the only one that notices it or cares?” If I said this out loud, my complaining heart would be right there for all to see. So I kept my mouth shut and took care of the trash.
Pretty soon I became aware that maybe the key to not complaining was going to be realized by keeping my mouth shut. I’d be getting lots of things done quietly.
In the next few days, I didn’t write up any blog or Facebook posts about the concept or contact anyone who wanted to do this with me. I really didn’t want people to know I was doing it.
I did mention it to a couple of close friends at church and asked them to pray with me. AND I just kept praying and doing my best, and every now and then I would say something out loud like. “I don’t want to complain, so would someone please take care of this?” (What a sweet spirit! Haha)
“I wasn’t sure if I knew how to help anyone else if I had such a challenge myself.”
My first conversation came over the weekend at church, from a close friend who been among the first ones posting. She told me “I’m not doing very well with ‘the month of not complaining.'” We spoke a little and then I asked her. “But are you complaining less?” “Oh, yes!! she quickly replied.” “Then it looks like you’re doing great!”
I realized I’m doing better too!
We aren’t perfect people, but this – NO COMPLAINT NOVEMBER – is a clear step to true “Thanksliving,” and certainly a blessing to my family – even though they might not know it.
I struggle with it every day, but approaching God for help, with a heart of Gratitude.
“Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.” Ephesians 4:29
HOW ABOUT YOU? Will you take this challenge too? With God’s help – “MINISTERING GRACE UNTO THE HEARERS?”
Marjie Briggs is a Consumer Scientist who publishes money saving hints, organizational ideas and hopefully, Encouragement!
I’m going to talk with my family and see if they’ll do this with me for December. I’m afraid they’ll think I’m complaining by asking them to do it with me, but maybe I can say it’s something I want for myself and I need their support 😉
At times I have approached challenging discussions with the request that having everyone’s support would be a gift I would desire from them. (And at a bargain price – FREE!!!)
It really is easy to complain and forget about the everyday blessings we face each day. This challenge is a great way to be mindful and aware of our thoughts, and force ourselves to just be quite and not say a word more often 🙂
For sure! I sure have become aware of the times I start to complain. It is a hard habit to break, but keeping my mouth shut helps!
This is such a great idea not to complain. It is so easy to do and so hard to stop. Thanks for the challenge.
It has been a tough one! Thank you Kallee.
I’m not participating in the challenge, but seeing so much negativity, I have been trying to be more positive. For example, the other day, a group of friends were complaining that their spouses do have of a job- washing and drying the laundry, but not putting it away, rinsing the dishes, but not loading them in the dishwasher, ext.. They were focusing on what didn’t get done, or what didn’t get done the way that they would have done it, instead of focusing on the fact that their spouses went out of their way to help them. I’ve been trying to recognize this behavior and correct it within myself. Gratitude goes a long way, especially within a marriage.
That is awesome. Unfulfilled expectations have gotten in the way of having a heart of gratitude for me for sure. It is great that you have focused on the wonderful things your husband does!
What a great idea to have a no complaint November, I know I’m guilty of complaining too much, when indeed I have so much to be thankful for, thank-you for the inspiration!
Thank you Joy!
I am actually leading a Gratitude Challenge right now, but I think I will have to make note and try this some time. I really do think the key, as you said, is to keep my mouth shut which may be hard, but I am willing to try.
It has been a challenge, but has clearly helped my attitude of Gratitude to really work at confining the whining!
A change in attitude goes a long way towards expressing gratitude and appreciation. I would the one of those just keeping my mouth shut. Sometimes my filter slips a little. 🙂
Been doing a lot of that lately. I had a filter slip today, but caught it pretty fast. My family just grinned. (I guess that is good!)
I realized that good things in my life are the petty moments of everyday life. I am thankful and I cherish them without trying to expect the big, fancy ones! This realization really made my life and my mood better!
It is great to have this attitude of gratitude. I expect you lead a happy life because of it.
My “sisters in law” always do a “thankful for” every day of November. Sometimes your voice can be heard without even speaking. 🙂
That would be my prayer. I’m also starting a private “Thankful” list. I may share it at some time. It is good to be reminded often of all the things we have to be thankful for here in this richly blessed country called America.
This is a wonderful challenge and it sounds like you are well on your way. It’s always a good idea to give thought before speaking…at least if negative or complaining words are about to come out.
That’s the truth. Thanks for the encouragement, Betsy.
This is a great idea. Not sure if i could do it. I’m going to be more mindful of it.
I am asking the Lord NOW to help me have a heart that ministers grace unto the hearers.
It’s amazing what being thankful for the small things will do for your mood. You can’t control others, but you certainly can control yourself and how you react. Keeping focused on the good things will help the bad things seem not quite so bad.
I know. It was the hardest thing I ever did. I’m doing it again this year – starting now.
I love this. A small change in mindset can have a HUGE impact. With the holidays quickly approaching, we should all be thankful for what we have.
It does, and it makes such a difference with our family when I keep a no complaining attitude. (Should do this all year!)
I’m in . I did it a few years ago but not last year. It made a big difference.
Awesome! Will be praying for you as you take the challenge with me. It’s not easy, and if I find ourselves reaching into the negative side, it doesn’t mean I’ve failed, it means I just need to get back to the positive.
I love this, sweet friend! I am such a complainer. Sometimes I will start a conversation just so I will get to complain. I definitely need and want to improve. I have always loved Ephesians 4:29 and when I complain I am not living that out very well!
Hey, ME TOO! The Lord has such great plans for us, and my attitude surely does mess up a lot of it. Ministering grace unto the hearers is my goal for November!